Thursday, February 07, 2008

"From everyone's favorite crasy hobo, here's more 'Words to shout at a giant number 3'."

I have been thinking of this since I had a strange bathroom experiance the other day. While strange bathroom experiences in public washrooms aren't at all uncommon this one stood out. The person in the stall next to me was sitting on the can backwards, his feet facing the toilet tank... I suspect he was doing drugs off the toilet tank because thats the only reason I can think of why you would sit on the shitter this way. Seeing my stall neighbor sitting on the can backwards sparked some interesting thoughts about odd bathroom behavior:

When toilet training is done, it is usually done by the parent of the same sex as the child. Fathers will teach little boys to use the toilet and mothers will teach little girls. Since our society dictates urination and more so deification to be private affairs. If this training is done improperly, it will not go uncorrected and continue for a lifetime more or less unnoticed and without intervention by others. These people not be corrected but they will spread their "bathroom incompetence " to the next generation if they are of the same sex as the offspring.

A 35 year old man, lets call him Larry; takes a shit on the toilet by sitting on the can backwards, facing the toilet tank. He does this because this is how his father taught him when toilet training him 34 years ago. Since deification is a private affair, no one else has seen Larry doing this. Since this odd way of taking a shit has never been seen or corrected by others, Larry thinks its completely normal. Larry later teaches his 1 year old to use the toilet and shows him how to take a shit the same way. He continues to defecate this way for the rest of his life. His son, also does this for the rest of his life and teaches his little boy the same. Its rather cyclic. The only thing that would stop the cycle is if the off spring of one of the sons turned out to be female. In this case the mother would show the child how to use the toilet properly, or improperly because perhaps she also has had improper training.

This thought always comes to mind when ever I whiteness strange public bathroom behavior. With regards to our friend Tim Foster; Perhaps his dad taught him to complete all the odd routines before he could urinate or defecate. When we see/hear odd things in public washrooms form others, perhaps these things are completely normal to those people. I think this should be explored further. I propose, when we whiteness odd public washroom behavior, these people should be interviewed on the spot in the washroom when they come out of the stall and their responses recorded. Also, they should have their skulls measured, to see if we can find a correlation between odd bathroom behavior and bad genetics. Do you think we could get UPEI to sponsor a study on this subject?