Better off ( Frozen? )

Welcome to Canadian Winter, you poor bastards.

But at least we're doing better than some people, living our technobo lifestyle.
Better than this guy, at least ( though I have contemplated doing the same as him every now and again, probably better advertising than what I currently have, going by the page hits here )

Not much of a way to live, but you gotta do something strange for the change :D
And, most of our PC's look better than this one ( I hope... though poor Fiends PC defies all logic as of yet. We're not quite sure how it is working )

And it's still better than living a life of eternal servitude...
don't even get me started on this topic. It's a bad idea.
And remember... in your times of need... Jesus won't save you...
but here is something that just might:

Your local Food Bank - Always a great source... better than your local church, that's for sure.

Peace out, blessed be, and have some Happy Holidays;
Matt

PS - Stay warm.

Walkin' in a Hobo Wonderland

*A Tribute to Canadian Winter... Thanks to Steve Curtis on this one *

Walking in a hobo wonderland...

In the meadow we can drink some whiskey and pretend we're not beaten to the grooound;
We'll go to all the charitable feastings and find the Sally Ann to shake 'em doooown;
Later on we'll retire by a garbage can fire, begging for change, gee ain't life strange;
Freezing in a hobo wonderland, head to the plains, let's hop the next train;
Gettin out of hobo wonderlaaaaand
Gettin out of hobo wonderlaaaaand
Gettin out of hobo wonderlaaaaand

Cheap, economical reality!

Being a hobo is one thing.... no money to buy things, always stretching the weekly budget to afford those ketchup packets (no wait, those get lifted from the McDonalds)

BUT, being a "Technobo" is similar and different. I mean seriously, YOU CAN'T AFFORD FOOD! WHY DO YOU NEED TO BUY MORE RAM??!! Personally, given the choice between a new Nic card and food for 3 days?... well, being a technobo means that decision was already made, naturally...and yes, the new Nic works ok...it makes my stomach stop grumbling sometimes...

Happy Hobo-Eve!!!

Break out the long johns and warm up the grool, its almost WINTER, Mr. Hobo!! ...are *you* prepared? Lets just get out our checklist..

Wool socks, plastic bags and a sturdy pair of boots, for those long walks in the drifts? ...check

Small flashlight and beach shovel, for digging for buried treasure on those long snowy walks? ....check

Large, insulated backpack, for carrying those perishables back from the Food bank? ...check

20-30 small umbrellas to cover the neighbourhoods butt-cans with? ...check

Well, that should do it then? Course, when February rolls around, and your feet feel like 2 bricks attached loosly to your legs, just remember this...Gas Station washroom sinks provide enough hot water to thaw them out while providing you shelter for approximately 15 minutes, if you make yakking sounds while thawing them.

Randomness at it's Best!

Been a while since I've posted anything here... and I'm SORRY!!!

*Why can't you all be quiet in there!!!*

So yeah, here's some total random things that I've found.
Try them on for size and tell me what ya think.

FUZZY GREEN LUNCH MEAT. DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!

Smoking and breath freshening all at the same time? I think I'm gonna vomit!

SO MUCH SPAM!!!

...random, incoherent drivelings......

Must post....MUST POST!!!

All righty then! Lets start with a link-a-doody about how location is prime when living the "Hobo Life". Followed directly by a sound clip showing that my voice should be copyrighted, apparently. Then, to wrap it all up?...a few jpeg's that entertained me for a few brief minutes......

Typical Technobo

As you can see, another typical pattern of a Technobo is to start something web-based and let it starve.

YES, THIS IS AN UPDATE!!! FEED LITTLE BLOG-THING....FEED!!

Video Games VS. Eating!

When you're a Technobo, you learn how to make sacrifices.
Such as... When you buy one of these:

You need to stop buying things like this :

That's right... gaming will take priority over eating. But... whenever your stomach starts to eat itself... you can always resort back to this :

Dumpsters. The last refuge of the damned. Home to a Technobo near you!
( PS - You can tell by the smell )

Technobolicity

The biggest mind #&!@ of being a technobo is the ease in which we "switch" back and forth. Somewhat likened to being a superhero, without all the powers and tights.

"By day, a mild-mannered regular joe, working out of an office, multi-tasking, etc etc etc. By night, rooting through indescribable waste for food, nicotine, etc etc."

With this shape-shift process in mind, its easy to understand those that work with us on a daily basis. No, that woman who dresses to the 9's but eats green goo for lunch is NOT crazy. SHE is a technobo-ette!!

Daily Diner!

Here Ya Go:I have no sweet clue what this is... but it certainly looks better that the heaping helping of Ramen Noodles ( typically called Mr. Noodles, but not when you buy the no name brand variant )
Goddamn noodles... I swear... I am gonna find the company that invented that "Oriental" flavor and burn them to the ground. I mean, what is an oriental flavor? Chicken is meant to taste like chicken, the same goes for beef and pork. So what the hell is oriental flavor? A flavor made from orients? C'mon now people. I am sick of it... all it is is salt and MSG. Goddamn!
Well, I'm off to another meaningless meal of goddamn noodles. Piss it all to hell.

Technobo Living Conditions

Housing Requirements for a Technobo

1 - Must be clean and dry (all window and door seals must be intact, windows must either roll up, or be stuck in the up position)

2 - Something that actually runs is preferable (for the late night moves between parking lots so the police don't assume that you live there)

3 - The bigger the backseat, the better. It's hard to stretch out in a Hyundai Excel.

4 - Lots of trunk space. You never know when you'll have to sleep in there. Best place ever to hide from creditors (unless it's the repo man, then you're screwed)

5 - Tinted Windows are helpful to keep the other Technobos from wanting to steal your few worldy possessions. Bastards that they are.

Job Opening!!!

Being a technobo isn't as hard as we make it sound, actually. More times then not, the position is something that is "forced upon you", given certain circumstances. If certain requirements *were* needed to be one though, they would be as follows :

1. Applicant must be polite & courteous at all times.
2. Applicant must own or have possession of more then $1000 worth in electronic devices.
3. Further, applicant must have a strong desire to not consume protein or nutrients, in substitution for eating condiments and snacks as meals.
4. Applicant must have advanced knowledge on operating systems, their configurations, troubleshooting of such and what days the Food Banks are open
5. Ownership of a cat is not a requirement but, it certainly helps, especially if said cat likes to destroy most of your worldy possessions.
6. Lastly, applicant must be aware that "advancement" in this position is NON- negotiable. Once a technobo, ALWAYS a technobo!

Monkey on my Back

It is one damn evil monkey, and do you know what he looks for?

That's right... Smokes. Tobacco. NICOTINE!
And the horrible things he will make you do for it... jumping through a burning ring of fire to land on burning hot coals will seem like this seem like a walk in the park.

If you don't feed this monkey... using any form of available nicotine, especially in a smokable form, he will slowly drive you mad. You'll start to shake, and twitch... until you finally give in.
Hunting for ashtrays... half smoked butts... drinking the water out of soggy ashtrays... drying out the soggy ones during the rainy season... rolling and smoking just about anything you can find. But nothing will replace the precious nicotine. No herbal cigarettes, no smoking tea, no nicotine patches, no nicotine gum. Nothing. The only thing to stop the monkey is to smoke like it's going out of style. If he had his way, you'd smoke from the second you got up in the morning, until you went to sleep at night ( with a burning smoke in your lips, ready to light your bed on fire )

That bastard monkey. I'll get him yet. Here's one for him :

iPod-wearing Technobos!

How Many Technobos?

Within a certain group of technobos, the ones that seem to be especially nutrient deficient due to poor eating habits; there seems to be an affinity to have technology in our posession that is well beyond whatever we could need or have a want for. Case in Point : iPods, a $400 Music player, that yes, is very kewl... but what useful purpose does it serve?
1 ) You can't eat it... and god knows... those dumpsters down by JR Capones are starting to look better every day.
2 ) You can't sell it ( We don't actually own them, so if they get lost or stolen, we are up shit creek )
3 ) It is essentially a toy. Has some shiny buttons and lights... but it doesn't do anything except provide entertainment.

So that's it folks. You can become a vagrant, go dumpster diving, get paid jack to do tech support... and still walk around with a $400 toy on your hip. We should all be this lucky.

Stupid = Rich / Smart = Poor

I think Einstein came up with the theory that the amount of money one has is almost ALWAYS greater then their IQ. So, in an ironic joke God must STILL be laughing about to this day, the Rich call the poor, begging for assistance, doing the simplest things, all the while spilling their 100 dollar wine as they converse. Meanwhile, we wait for the lunch of skittles and coffee we have waiting after they hang up.

Drooling over Tech!

Whereas most Hobo's sleep on benches... some of us Technobos sleep on half-assed beds... or even couches.
After examining my portion of the food cupboard lately... I realized that I have become a true Technobo... but... I do have Mr. Noodles ( ok, not name brand Mr. Noodles, but it's close enough )

I now have somewhere around 4 functional computers, a brand new stereo, a 30 GB ipod video, a bleeding edge cell phone, thousands of dollars of software... several hundred dollars of hardware; But yet I still have no food... and the JR Capone's dumpsters are starting to sound more and more tasty every night. Anyone wanna join me?

Technobos Arch Enemies!!

#1. The landlord.
#2. The guy who watches the gas pumps at night.
#3. Nosy neighbours, curious about the wire running from their cablebox.
#4. That store clerk who actually COUNTS the empty pop bottles you take in.
#5. Smoke bums (The ones who case the smoking area at work for scores)
#6. Whomever invented the wallet.

Technobo Goodness!

And here is where you can find all of the enterprising young technobos... looking for remnants of technology, or scrap appliances to either use or fix... to sell for food... :D

Ah, the wonders of it all... and people ask me how do I lose so much weight... easy... I just don't eat anything... ROFL.

*PIP-PIP-PPPP-PIP... PIP-PIP-PIP... PIP-PPP-PP-P-P.... .... .... PIP!

*tic tic tic

Technobos

Technobos are the new generation! We own high-speed electronic devices but only have condiments in our fridges.
We all own very nice computers but have a hard time keeping our internet connection paid for.

Quote from a technobo

"I wanted toast but don't have a toaster...so I put it in the oven....wasn't going to put it in the microwave? What?? Are you handicapped??"

The Diet of a Hobo

How a hobo loses weight...
Well, when you have such wonderful things on the menu such as day old hot dogs, expired milk, moldy bread, and pizza crusts.









The "Good" food is No Name brand Oriental Noodles ( $2 for a pack of 12 ) and No Name Brand Mac and Cheese ( 3 for $1 ) it gets pretty easy to forgo the food, and say... "Hey, this cigarette looks awful damn healthy, I should have another"

How's that for twisted, eh?

My thoughts on working on PEI for today. Have a good one folks.

The Beginning!

Where a Tech Support Hobo can find his lunch : in a dumpster.

Oh yeah, and it's overflowing too! Who knows what culinary delights might be found in there!