Monday, June 26, 2006

Daily Diner!

Here Ya Go:I have no sweet clue what this is... but it certainly looks better that the heaping helping of Ramen Noodles ( typically called Mr. Noodles, but not when you buy the no name brand variant )
Goddamn noodles... I swear... I am gonna find the company that invented that "Oriental" flavor and burn them to the ground. I mean, what is an oriental flavor? Chicken is meant to taste like chicken, the same goes for beef and pork. So what the hell is oriental flavor? A flavor made from orients? C'mon now people. I am sick of it... all it is is salt and MSG. Goddamn!
Well, I'm off to another meaningless meal of goddamn noodles. Piss it all to hell.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Technobo Living Conditions

Housing Requirements for a Technobo
1 - Must be clean and dry (all window and door seals must be intact, windows must either roll up, or be stuck in the up position)

2 - Something that actually runs is preferable (for the late night moves between parking lots so the police don't assume that you live there)

3 - The bigger the backseat, the better. It's hard to stretch out in a Hyundai Excel.

4 - Lots of trunk space. You never know when you'll have to sleep in there. Best place ever to hide from creditors (unless it's the repo man, then you're screwed)

5 - Tinted Windows are helpful to keep the other Technobos from wanting to steal your few worldy possessions. Bastards that they are.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Job Opening!!!

Being a technobo isn't as hard as we make it sound, actually. More times then not, the position is something that is "forced upon you", given certain circumstances. If certain requirements *were* needed to be one though, they would be as follows :

1. Applicant must be polite & courteous at all times.
2. Applicant must own or have possession of more then $1000 worth in electronic devices.
3. Further, applicant must have a strong desire to not consume protein or nutrients, in substitution for eating condiments and snacks as meals.
4. Applicant must have advanced knowledge on operating systems, their configurations, troubleshooting of such and what days the Food Banks are open
5. Ownership of a cat is not a requirement but, it certainly helps, especially if said cat likes to destroy most of your worldy possessions.
6. Lastly, applicant must be aware that "advancement" in this position is NON- negotiable. Once a technobo, ALWAYS a technobo!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Monkey on my Back

It is one damn evil monkey, and do you know what he looks for?

That's right... Smokes. Tobacco. NICOTINE!
And the horrible things he will make you do for it... jumping through a burning ring of fire to land on burning hot coals will seem like this seem like a walk in the park.

If you don't feed this monkey... using any form of available nicotine, especially in a smokable form, he will slowly drive you mad. You'll start to shake, and twitch... until you finally give in.
Hunting for ashtrays... half smoked butts... drinking the water out of soggy ashtrays... drying out the soggy ones during the rainy season... rolling and smoking just about anything you can find. But nothing will replace the precious nicotine. No herbal cigarettes, no smoking tea, no nicotine patches, no nicotine gum. Nothing. The only thing to stop the monkey is to smoke like it's going out of style. If he had his way, you'd smoke from the second you got up in the morning, until you went to sleep at night ( with a burning smoke in your lips, ready to light your bed on fire )

That bastard monkey. I'll get him yet. Here's one for him :

Friday, June 09, 2006

iPod-wearing Technobos!

How Many Technobos?

Within a certain group of technobos, the ones that seem to be especially nutrient deficient due to poor eating habits; there seems to be an affinity to have technology in our posession that is well beyond whatever we could need or have a want for. Case in Point : iPods, a $400 Music player, that yes, is very kewl... but what useful purpose does it serve?
1 ) You can't eat it... and god knows... those dumpsters down by JR Capones are starting to look better every day.
2 ) You can't sell it ( We don't actually own them, so if they get lost or stolen, we are up shit creek )
3 ) It is essentially a toy. Has some shiny buttons and lights... but it doesn't do anything except provide entertainment.

So that's it folks. You can become a vagrant, go dumpster diving, get paid jack to do tech support... and still walk around with a $400 toy on your hip. We should all be this lucky.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Stupid = Rich / Smart = Poor

I think Einstein came up with the theory that the amount of money one has is almost ALWAYS greater then their IQ. So, in an ironic joke God must STILL be laughing about to this day, the Rich call the poor, begging for assistance, doing the simplest things, all the while spilling their 100 dollar wine as they converse. Meanwhile, we wait for the lunch of skittles and coffee we have waiting after they hang up.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Drooling over Tech!

Whereas most Hobo's sleep on benches... some of us Technobos sleep on half-assed beds... or even couches.
After examining my portion of the food cupboard lately... I realized that I have become a true Technobo... but... I do have Mr. Noodles ( ok, not name brand Mr. Noodles, but it's close enough )

I now have somewhere around 4 functional computers, a brand new stereo, a 30 GB ipod video, a bleeding edge cell phone, thousands of dollars of software... several hundred dollars of hardware; But yet I still have no food... and the JR Capone's dumpsters are starting to sound more and more tasty every night. Anyone wanna join me?